It's so bad, I can't even think of a joke.

Me: It’s so bad, I can’t even think of a joke

PLOT

After being killed in “Daredevil“, Elektra Natchios is revived by a blind martial arts master called Stick. She is brought to his training compound to learn Kimagure, an ancient martial arts discipline that provides its practitioners with precognition as well as the ability to resurrect the dead. Elektra was soon expelled because of her inability to let go of her rage and fear from seeing her mother’s killer as a child. She leaves and uses her training to become a contract killer.

Years later, Elektra infiltrates a heavily guarded area and succeeds in slaying her target DeMarco. Elektra’s agent McCabe receives an unusually large offer from an anonymous client wishing to hire Elektra’s services. The only stipulation; she must spend a few days in a rented home on the island where the assassination is to be performed before the names of the targets are revealed. During the wait, Elektra catches a girl named Abby trying to swipe her mother’s necklace. She sends her away, and later meets and befriends her father, Mark Miller. Abby later invites Elektra to dinner on Mark’s behalf. Elektra develops a romantic interest in Mark, but soon learns he and Abby are the targets she has been hired to kill. Elektra spares them and leaves, but later returns in time to protect them from assassins sent by The Hand, a crime syndicate of ninja mercenaries.

Meanwhile, Roshi, master of The Hand, learns of the failed attempt and permits his son Kirigi to lead a new team of assassins to kill Elektra and return with Abby, referred to as “The Treasure”. Elektra tries to leave Abby and Mark with Stick, but he scolds her into protecting them herself. She then drives Mark and Abby to McCabe’s country house, but is followed by Kirigi, Typhoid, Stone, Kinkou, and Tattoo. Elektra flees with Mark and Abby through a secret underground exit to the orchard, while McCabe sacrifices himself to allow them to escape.

Kirigi and the assassins hunt down the trio in a forest nearby. Elektra manages to kill Stone, while Abby and Mark kill Kinkou with one of his own daggers. As Elektra is distracted by the revelation that Abby has martial arts skills, Typhoid gives Elektra the “Kiss of Death”. Abby is captured by Kirigi. Suddenly, Stick and his Chaste ninjas arrive, forcing Kirigi, Typhoid, and Tattoo to retreat. Stick manages to save Elektra from death and takes them under his protection.

Stick confirms Abby is a martial arts prodigy which is the “Treasure” of martial arts whom the Hand seek to use. Elektra learns that she was a Treasure herself and her mother was a casualty of the fight between The Chaste and The Hand with her as the reason. She also guesses that Stick set up the hit on Mark and Abby in order to test Elektra’s propensity for compassion. Elektra is not pleased, but does not follow up with that line of inquiry after getting the comment that some lessons must be lived. Elektra astrally projects herself to a meeting with Kirigi and challenges him to a fight; the winner claiming Abby for their own purpose. Elektra returns to her childhood home to face Kirigi, and finally remembers he was her mother’s killer; whom she had been seeing as a horned demon in nightmares all this time.

Elektra is at first defeated by Kirigi, but Abby arrives and engages him long enough for Elektra to recuperate. Elektra and Abby then escape and hide in a hedge maze but are separated when Abby is captured by snakes dispatched by Tattoo. Elektra finds Tattoo and snaps his neck, freeing Abby in the process. Elektra engages Kirigi a second time and manages to stab and kill him. Typhoid poisons Abby, the same way she did to Elektra earlier, killing her in the process. Elektra throws her sai into Typhoid killing her and successfully resurrects Abby, overcoming her rage. When Mark comes to take Abby, he and Elektra kiss and go their separate ways. Just as Elektra leaves the grounds of her childhood home for the final time, she meets Stick and the two exchange words to each other. Elektra departs, knowing Abby and Mark will be safe.

REVIEW

The first hour of this movie is incredibly slow. Jennifer Garner is just awful here, and that’s a shame because, it seemed like she was having fun in the role in Daredevil. Terence Stamp plays Stick, and while it’s always great to see Terence Stamp in anything, he just seems boring, and was just there. And Elektra fights henchmen of The Hand, if you read the Daredevil comics (specifically the Frank Miller run), you know The Hand and Stick play key roles in Daredevil’s origin, which makes you wonder if the writers actually wanted to do a Daredevil sequel, but there was some executive meddling involved during development. Lastly, the last half hour of the movie is a CGI mess. Overall, it’s not a great movie, and pretty much made the Supergirl movie look like a competent spin-off.

RANK: 1 out of 5

Next up, we ride into the sunset, with the Spirit of Vengence.

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