Swear to God, I'm not joking around this time!

Swear to God, I’m not joking around this time!

WARNING!! The following review contains heavy spoilers for a movie currently in theaters, if you haven’t seen this movie, see it now!

PLOT

Nearly two years after the Battle of Metropolis, Superman has become a controversial figure. Daily Planet journalist Clark Kent, Superman’s alter ego, has moved in with Lois Lane. Billionaire Bruce Wayne, who has operated in Gotham City as Batman for nearly two decades, sees Superman as a potential threat to humanity. After learning of Batman’s activities, Superman also views him as a threat, and seeks to stop him via the Daily Planet articles, until Perry tells him to stop.

Wayne learns that weapon-trafficker Anatoli Knyazev has been contacting LexCorp’s mogul Lex Luthor. Meanwhile, Luthor tries to convince Senator June Finch to allow him to import Kryptonite retrieved from the Indian Ocean, claiming to use it as a weapon against Kryptonians. He also makes side dealings with Finch’s subordinate and demands access to Zod’s body and the Kryptonian scout ship. In the next meeting with Luthor, Finch denies his request.

Wayne attends Luthor’s party at LexCorp, where he meets mysterious antiques dealer Diana Prince, and retrieves data from the company’s mainframe. The data drive, however, is stolen by Prince, who later returns it to Bruce, due to her inability to decrypt the data. While decrypting the drive at the Batcave, Wayne receives a vision of a post-apocalyptic world, where he leads a group of rebels against Superman. He is snapped out of the vision by an armored future Barry Allen, who warns him of Lane’s crucial role in the distant future, and urges him to find “the others”. Wayne later realizes that Luthor is not only experimenting with Kryptonite, but also investigating metahumans. One of them is Prince herself, who is an immortal warrior. Wayne admits to Alfred Pennyworth that he plans to steal the Kryptonite to weaponize it, should it become necessary to fight Superman. Batman pursues the convoy carrying the Kryptonite from the White Portuguese ship to LexCorp, but Superman intercedes and orders him to cease his activities.

Luthor orchestrates a bombing at a congressional hearing, where Finch is questioning Superman on the validity of his actions. The bomb kills dozens of people, including Finch. Frustrated with failing to save people, Superman goes into self-imposed exile. Batman breaks into LexCorp and steals the Kryptonite, in preparation to battle Superman by building a powerful exoskeleton and creating a Kryptonite grenade launcher and a Kryptonite-tipped spear. Meanwhile, Luthor enters the Kryptonian ship and learns of its functions, as well as recorded alien worlds. Before he leaves for the battle, he sends Diana an email showing off the other metahumans Lex has been studying.

Luthor kidnaps and holds hostage Martha Kent, Clark’s adoptive mother. He reveals that he has been sending messages to Batman and Superman to heighten their animosity towards each other. Luthor forces Superman to fight and kill Batman, in exchange for Martha’s life. Superman tries to reason with Batman, but Batman initiates the fight and eventually subdues him. Before Batman can kill Superman with the spear, Superman urges Batman to “save Martha”, whose name is also shared with Wayne’s late mother. Lane arrives and explains the situation. Upon learning of Luthor’s plan, Batman leaves to rescue Martha, while Superman confronts Luthor on the scout ship. Luthor unleashes a monstrous creature made from Zod’s body spliced with Luthor’s DNA. Superman, Batman and Diana join forces to fight the creature, but are outmatched by its ability to absorb energy. Realizing that it is vulnerable to Kryptonite, Superman retrieves the Kryptonite spear and impales the creature, while it impales him with its bone protrusions, killing Superman.

Luthor is arrested and imprisoned. Facing Batman in prison, he gloats that Superman’s death has made the world vulnerable to powerful future alien threats. A memorial is held for Superman in Metropolis. Clark is also declared dead and Wayne, Lane, Martha, and Diana attend a private funeral for him in Smallville. Martha passes an envelope to Lane, which contains an engagement ring from Clark. After the funeral, Wayne reveals to Diana that he plans to form a team of metahumans, starting from the ones from Luthor’s files, to protect the world in Superman’s absence. After they leave, a faint heartbeat echoes from Clark’s coffin and the dirt around it begins to levitate.

REVIEW

Now, when I said all that stuff in the April Fools post, I didn’t mean it. I didn’t think it was that bad, I just thought it was OK. It had some good moments and it had some bad moments, first, Ben Affleck did a excellent job as Bruce Wayne/Batman, I think it’s safe to say he and Charlie Cox did an excellent job getting people to forget about the Daredevil movie (at least until October, hint hint!). Gal Gadot was also very enjoyable as Wonder Woman, if she’d this good in here, then I think it’s a safe bet her solo film is going to be good. Oh, and Henry Cavil did fairly well as Superman, personally I just thought it was great to see the Trinity on the big screen for the first time. Jeremy Irons, while not as great as Michael Gough or Sir Michael Caine was very outstanding as Alfred, he was caring, quipy, sarcastic, just perfect, though and this is just a minute thing with me, but you see him do any buttlering in the movie. Lastly, Jesse Eisenberg as Lex Luthor (Jr.), I thought he was OK, his hammyness was a little grating at times, but he still put on a decent performance. Another thing worth noting, all the problems that plagued Man Of Steel, was fixed in this movie, no pithy product placement every minute, no causing billions of dollars in property damage, and no casualties. Lastly, Bill Finger finally gets credit for co-creating Batman, it’s about damn time.

Now, on to the biggest thing wrong with the movie, this is basically the Justice League pilot, introducing the other members of the Justice League, we’re introduced to them through an email. Really, Zach? I mean, we had a perfectly good way to introduce the characters individually in a few scenes here and there, like earlier, when you had (Future) Barry crawling through a time portal, that was great, we didn’t need to see Ezra Miller in a convenience store, we didn’t need to see Jason Momoa attack a deep sea camera, and we didn’t need to see Cyborg’s origin, that was apparently sponsored by the rich taste of Diet Dr. Pepper. I would have done the cameos, keep the Future Barry scene, keep the email, though just have it contain the file on Diana, have Arthur (Aquaman) help Lois find the Kryptonite spear, and don’t have Victor (Cyborg) appear at all, instead, have a news report explaining there was a car accident that took the life a local high schooler. It’s perfect(-ish), it’s minor, and to the point.

Overall, the movie was OK, I enjoyed it, but it wasn’t as good as the previews and Comic Con pavilions lead it to believe. And that’s a shame because, as much as I love Marvel, I like DC just as much, and I really want to see this succeed, maybe that R-rated extended edition could make the movie a little better. And if Batman V Superman doesn’t break even, all we can do is hope Suicide Squad can save the DC Extended Universe. And (by the way, this is something I meant to add in the April Fools post) if this doesn’t work out, DC still has its TV universe to fall back on.

RANK: 3 out of 5

Next time is the 150th post, which will be a Q/A session, so ask me some questions!

UPDATE: Clearly, no one’s interested in Q/A, so next is a review.

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